Graffiti Bridge
Alright folks...time for VHS of the week:
I figured the two year anniversary of Prince’s death was an appropriate time to discuss the death of Prince’s film career. Ask people what they think of the sequel to Purple Rain and you are bound to get some puzzled looks... but a sequel does, in fact, exist. It’s called Graffiti Bridge and it was written and directed by Prince and filmed in 1990 on rain-machine soaked sets leftover from Steve Seagal’s Hard to Kill and Nothing But Trouble. So...as far as I can tell the plot is as follows: it’s five years after the events of Purple Rain. Morris Day now owns every club in town save for Glam Slam...which is owned by his longtime rival Prince (aka “The Kid”). The Kid lives in the basement of Glam Slam and has gotten his hair straightened and has turned kind of jesus-y. He wanders around shirtless mumbling shit like “are there really angels...or is it all in our minds.” The Revolution and Apollonia are nowhere to be found and their absence goes unexplained. Word on the street is that The Kid has lost his touch musically (again!?). We know this because when he plays gigs people literally run out of the club like the joint in on fire. Speaking of fires....Morris Day wants to buy Glam Slam so he’ll have a monopoly on all of the clubs in town...so he decides to try to
burn it down. Meanwhile The Kid is visited by a gal named Aura, who may or may not be an angel. They ride around on his motorcycle and recite poetry to each other yet he does not fool her into getting naked and purifying herself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka. I’m watching this and thinking “good for these guys...their attitudes toward women have really evolved since Purple Rain. They aren’t throwing women into dumpsters all willy nilly.” Aaaaand then Morris Day tears a lady’s jacket off so he won’t have to step in a puddle as
he exits his limo. And later he and his mirror-holding buddy Jerome get Aura drunk and kidnap her and offer to put her in a “pimp
sandwich.” It’s disgusting. And then what? I really have no idea, dudes. There’s a ton of musical numbers....but they more of the
“people randomly breaking into song and dancing around with dudes who all look like Arsenio Hall and Fly Girl castoffs from In Living Color” variety. The actual live musical performances are virtually non-existent. George Clinton shows up to collect some drug money. Tevin Campbell shows up demanding to play Prince a hot new song he wrote...that somehow already has Prince’s vocals on it (that’s some voodoo shit right there!). Prince and Aura have PG-13 sex in his basement, where it is inexplicably windy. Eventually Prince and Morris Day decide to have a battle of the bands to decide ownership of Glam Slam...not on an actual stage with proper amplifiers and equipment and whatnot...but on the sidewalk outside of the club. This time Prince doesn’t have no Purple Rain in his pocket. He plays some lame-ass ballad with Mavis Staples that I have already forgotten and I just finished watching the movie 5 minutes ago. Morris Day’s tune is way better but then BAM! A fucking car comes careening through the crowd
and runs over Aura! (maybe having the concert in the street wasn’t such a good idea, eh dudes?). Aura dies...so now we know: not an angel. Morris Day feels bad and decides to let Prince keep Glam Slam. At least...I think that’s what happens. The movie just kind of ends with Prince whispering “It’s just around the corner” into the camera. Prince...what is around the corner??? He was one cryptic motherfucker, man. The end.
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